For one thing, the immigration from rural areas is an essential process as a result of modernization and industrialization that any city has to experience then we can not prevent or avoid this trend. Because many industrial zones are opened around the cities, people tend to aggregate to factories and firms there. In addition, services and financial fields attract a lot of employees as well. No matter whether blue-collar job or white-collar one people do, cities seem to be a promising land bringing them a better life. Moreover, cities offer enormous opportunities for tertiary education and entertainments. Indeed, cities have a great special charm to all kinds of person.
For another thing, I believe that we need a coordination of many factors and policies to solve this issue efficiently, but not merely preventing the immigration wave to urban areas. We need improving the city basic infrastructure such as developing accommodation and transportation system. We need increasing the size of the city by developing the surrounding suburbs as well. If we achieve the goals, there are more houses to live and broader streets to travel, so our condition is improved gradually.
In conclusion, I believe that there are many better solutions than just preventing the immigration wave from rural areas to deal with the condition of overcrowding in many cities nowadays. This is not just because the immigration is an unavoidable phenomenon, but this one itself can not solve entirely the problem.----- Posted on July 11th by santa -----
Maybe, this essay has some mistakes ^^.
ReplyDeleteI try to write it as quickly as I can, to be used to the time pressure in IELTS writing task.
So, hope you feel free to correct my faults.
Thanks you all.
I think that there are no mistakes, but some sentences should be rewritten to clarify their meanings.
ReplyDelete*...all these common words mention a hot problem that many cities over the world are facing...
"that" should be added. By the way, "hot" can be positive or negative meaning. If you want to stress the negative one, you can use "serious", "strained", and so on.
As a reader, I did followed your explanation easily without read it one more time. For a writing test, you should give one or two more reasons. I think you can reconstruct your writing as:
- We can not stop the immigration wave, because it is a natural trend associated with the development of countries.
- We should not stop (even if we can). Many people benefit from it.
- Even if we can prevent it, the problem of overcrowding does still remain, because immigration is not the only cause.
@minhem:
ReplyDelete"
- We can not stop the immigration wave, because it is a natural trend associated with the development of countries.
- We should not stop (even if we can). Many people benefit from it.
"
I think these ideas are related together. In details, "Many people benifit from it" explains for "natural trend assoiciated with the development of countries" So it's hard to seperate them into 2 paragraphs. Do you think so ?
All in all, I appreciate your comments. Thanks Hai. ^^
@santa:
ReplyDeleteYes, they are closedly connected. But we can see it at two aspects:
- Natural trend: It must occur. Unavoidable.
- Good trend: It's beneficial.
Some unpreventable phenomena, such as polution, electric trash, traffic jam, traffic accidents, are not beneficial at all.
Hope that my comment would help ^-^
@minhem: yupe, thank you ^^
ReplyDelete